Diary of Bad-ass Prim
by Lukypingi
Summary: Have you ever wondered what happened to Prim after Katniss left to pursue her career? Yeah, probably not what this fanfic says so. "I can't believe I'm doing this. I can only hope this is better than my previous stories" - Lukypingi, author of Peeta is So Yummy, Diary of a Wimpy Baker's Kid. "This is such funny. Much laughs. Wow." 100% NON-CANNON STORY BETTER THAN TITLE GUARANTEED
1. Chapter 1

_AUTHOR'S (Hey, that's me! :D) NOTE_

I would like to welcome you to my new fanfic, Diary of a Bad-ass Teen . I am open to new suggestions of better titles, I'm crap at those. I do have a few warnings however-  
These characters are not mine, there Suzie Collin's  
DON'T GET OFFENDED. I DON'T MEAN TO HURT YOU. I love you 3  
Excuse the weirdness and possible inappropriate language/actions.

I know I haven't updated in a few months (almost 2 years methinks) and my previous stories probably aren't coming back. Unless you want them to. I can read them and improve them slightly C: I am not going to be a review whore, like last time, but reviews ARE MUCH APPRECIATED ! 3

Okay moving on to the story…. Enjoy! :*

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ENTRY NUMERO UNO (preview)

Well hello there, friends.

Or weird stalkers who are reading my diary. Eww, you creep. Anyway, I'ma introduce myself. My name is Primrose Everdeen. I am 13 years-old and today I nearly crapped myself. Here are the reasons why:

REAPING DAY! It was my first time today. Katniss called me a duck because clearly I wasn't self-conscious enough.

I GOT REAPED! I was so excited , I was going to meet my favorite female from the capitol- Effie Trinket. I mean, have you seen her clothes? I could have worn similar capitol couture. But no, my attention seeking sister had to volunteer for tribute. BOO, YOU WHORE T_T

GALE WAS WEARING A FANCY DRESS SHIRT. As fancy as District 12 was an old shirt that his dad probably wore 20 years ago, but holy buttons he was HOT. And now Katniss is gone, I can have him all to myself!

No more pretending to be a cute harmless Prim, that girl died a while ago (like two weeks ago) meet the new adolescent, hormonal Prim. No one can stop me (my mom is still batshit).Stuff's going down.

I can finally lose the spare pounds Katniss has been forcing me to eat. I pretty much have no other choice, there's only so much food you can schmooze off the baker and Gale.

And I can get some chemistry going with Gale. Katniss' boyfriend Gale, not my bff Gail, btw.  
Speaking of chemistry, I have homework to do. I mean how pathetic, it's goddamn reaping day and the dumb teacher Ms. Rearend (her name is Rearer, but her ass is bigger than freaking Neptune) still makes us to homework.  
TTYL,

Prim xoxoxoxoxoxo

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Opinions? I f you could leave a review saying whether I should continue or not, that would be great!


	2. Chapter 2

NOTE OF THE AUTHOR

I simply have nothing better to do so I think I'm going to continue. I am watching loads of chick-flicks to try and make at as funny as possible. It's a lot of work, but it's worth it :3

MOST of these characters are not mine, there Suzie Collins'. The world is Collins', fo sho.  
DON'T GET OFFENDED. I DON'T MEAN TO HURT YOU. I love you 3  
Excuse the weirdness and possible inappropriate language/actions.

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Dear Diary,

So today I thought I was going to make a few changes. I decided to cut my hair because who the hell can stop me? I mean with Katniss gone and mom practically unconscious, I'm as free as a bird (well the Capitol does go control-freak sometimes, apart from that, I'M FREE).Pixie cuts are so cool. I hear Effie had a pink pixie cut when she was my age. She's like perfect. I wish I were her. And I put makeup on. I put some weird brown berries on my face so I look more tan (how the Gucci bag does Katniss do it?) and red ones on my lips. I looked pretty hot.

It was so good, everyone in school noticed me.

"Um, who the freak are you?" said Gail.

"Is that our new greeting? Who the hell are you! It's me, Prim. I just got a cool new look." I said.

" that has to be bull. Prim is a broke-ass ho. She can't even afford a Mark's Boutique purse."

Ooooh, that was a good burn. Wait no it wasn't. It was worse than Beranda's hair (her hair is so bad, It's literally a birds' nest. I'm actually kind of jealous because Effie had bird hair 3 years ago. It was way cool.)

"Well, Prim doesn't need to be here. Toodles, biatch" I was good. Only cool people talk about themselves in third person.

I went to my gay friend Hammy. He would understand.

"OMG, Prim, I LOVE your hair. And WOW! You're makeup is rad."

"OMG, Ham, how did you know It was me?"

"Gurl, you walk like you're on a catwalk all the time. That's why I'm friends with you. There aren't many fabulous people in here."

"Probably because they're all malnourished dumb brats who don't even know what 10 bucks look like." Said my sworn enemy, Krista, sneaking up from behind us. "Oh hello, malnourished brat who doesn't even know what 10 bucks looks like. You're looking particularly malnourished today. Is it because your sister has gone to the capitol to have some fun and left you here to rot and die?"

"Listen up, Krista. Just because you are the only one in school who can afford a normal name-"

"DID SOMEBODY SAY SCHOOL? I BET MY BUTTONS IT'S TIME TO LEARN!" said King of The Weirdoes, Rory Hawthorne. He has a hot older brother." HEY PRIM, ARE YOU READY TO ABSORB KNOWLEDGE? I SURE AS MAKARENA'S KITTEN HEELS AM!"

I swear, he has this obsession of talking as if he turned caps lock on and doesn't know how to turn it off.

"WHAT THE HELL, RORY? Krista, why don't you go look for your posse, you don't look as intimidating without them." I said.

"I think I'm going to go too, I can see the coal miners going to work. Some of them are REAL hotties." Ham exclaimed happily. He could've waited for me, I wanted to see them too.

"WELL I GUESS IT'S JUST YOU AND ME, PRIM. ARE YOU COMING OVER MY HOUSE TONIGHT? GALE WANTS TO GIVE YOU SOME FOOD LIKE KATNISS TOLD HIM TOO."

"Yes, okay." HOLY CRAP GALE WANTS TO SEE ME. OMG OMG OMG OMG. "And why are you shouting?"

"BECAUSE WE ARE OUTDOORS! I AM USING MY NON-INDOORS VOICE."

"Does the playground count?"

Then the bell rang (thank you thank you thank you) and we went to class. Thank goodness that little creep isn't in my class. I pouted and fake cried all day to at least pretend I as sad that my sister was going to die. They were pretty much tears of joy because some teachers felt sorry and said I didn't have to do homework. Could today be any better?

I have to go now, diary, I am going on a date with Gale.

Love Prim xoxooxoxoxoxx

#firstday #toocool #yay #gaybff

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I don't know how often I'll be updating. I think 2 or 3 times a week. Leave a review, I'd love to hear your opinions an suggestions on how I could improve. And some ideas PRETTT PLEASE 3

Love you! Xoxoxooxoxox


	3. Chapter 3

MOST of these characters are not mine, there Suzie Collins'. The world is Collins', fo sho. I'm just making fun of it.  
DON'T GET OFFENDED. I DON'T MEAN TO HURT YOU. I love you 3  
Excuse the weirdness and possible inappropriate language/actions.

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Dear Diary,

Yesterday went AWESOME! I think Gale and I are really hitting it off.

Gale: "So here's your share of game, if you need anything more just ask. I was just wondering if you could… uh… you know…"

Me:"Marry you?"

G: "What?"

M: "Ahem. What?"

G: "Oh nothing, I just thought I heard something. I was wondering if I could take some of your goat's cheese. We could sell some of it in the Hob, if that's okay with you."

M: "Gale, you can have my cheese anytime. "

G: "Umm, okay. Thanks. I think you should get going, it's getting late. Do you want me to walk you home?"

Rory: "CAN I COME?"

G: "Rory, indoor voices!"

R: *Whispering*"Okay. Can I come?"

G:"Okay, as long as you don't chase cats."

R:"Okay, but I thought that girls are crazy for animals."

M:"Can we just go now?"

Rory broke his promise. He kept on chasing cats. Gale and I had to hold his hands so he didn't get too excited. He was still pretty excited because he was holding my hand- I'm not surprised, I would be too- and when we were outside my house and he saw Buttercup he nearly peed himself. Gale had to hold him back.

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I'm getting quite popular in school. Everybody feels sorry for me. I got a whole piece of chocolate from Madge. A bite of somebody's sandwich. A creepy look from Rory. I decided to use my popularity to start a cheerleading squad. It may be quite difficult because most of the kids are so malnourished they can barely walk to school. But I put up a notice on the board anyway. Krista ripped it off almost immediately. She was with her posse. I called them the Echoes because that's what they did. They repeated the last word Krista said 3 or 4 times.

"What is this, malnourished brat who doesn't even know what 10 buck looks like?"

"..Looks like…" Echoed Echo 1. I don't actually know their names.

"…Like…" Echo 2.

"..ike.." Echo 3.

"One; It's a cheer-squad and two; We don't use bucks any more, that crap's OLD!"

"Well, MBWDEKWTBLL, there's already a cheer-squad. The District 12 Minettes. And aren't you still upset your sister's gone ?"

"..Sister's gone..."

"…gone..."

"…on…"

"Um, It's a coping mechanism. And Minettes? Is that even a word?"

"Yeah, from now on it is. And you can't use it, I own it and It's copy-righted. I could sue you for copy-right infringement."

"…Copyright infringement…."

"….infringement…"

"….ment…."

"No one in District 12 can afford a lawyer. There are no lawyers! There is no law! I'm not even sure if you can even copy-right stuff. I thought the capitol owns everything."

"Yeah, well, maybe I have a distant aunt, twice removed, who has a great-grand daughter who married a guy who knew a guy from the capitol? You don't know me. Don't judge."

"..Don't judge…"

"…judge…"

"…udge.."

Those are some really wise echoes.

"Anyway," Krista continued. "We're already competing with another team at the cheer-off next month. You're going to have to sign up if you want your last remaining bit of hope crushed."

"…Hope crushed…"

"…crushed…."

"…ushed…"

Screw that, the echoes are heartless hoes.

I signed up anyway. I'm going to have to look for an awesome team and some awesome team names.

It's going to be awesome. But I don't really know what I'm doing. But hey, everybody loves surprises.

I'm going to look at the coal miners come home from work with Ham now, so toodles!

Xoxoxoxxo

#hotminers #cheer #yay

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Suggestions for cheer names would be AWESOME LIKE SAVAGE SQUIRELLS SKINNING PRESIDENT SNOW


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